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Bestselling Author Says “Dating” is Desperate: Stop Trying So Hard and Be Yourself
Charlotte, NC, March 15, 2022
Lifetime romance doesn’t just happen; you must first know yourself and do the self-work before you can find your needle in a haystack, says Pastor Jameliah Gooden. Based on her own experiences with finding her soulmate, Gooden’s book, A Needle in a Haystack: How to Find Love in the Rubble, guides readers toward finding and recognizing love, and is perfect for anyone looking for their ideal partner.
Following her first bestselling book, The Death of the Angry Black Woman, which details how Gooden worked to rid herself of anger and negative stereotypes, this second bestseller continues the journey of self-improvement as readers gain firsthand knowledge for navigating the dating world. Gooden encourages people to break away from the enormous pressures of modern dating and find playfulness in their social lives.
“We should be putting ourselves out there and just having fun”, says Gooden. “There shouldn’t be any forced end goal or expectation. That’s how you find your needle.”
Searching for love in today’s society can be a daunting task, especially with dating apps and blind dates, because these scenarios come with preconceived notions and a fear of unmet expectations. Gooden suggests that dating is much easier if you are true to yourself and who you are. Societal notions and definitions about dating are to blame: they add too much pressure instead of allowing freedom for personal acceptance and growth. Gooden advises that readers stop presenting themselves as perfect and start showing the world who they truly are.
“That’s the beauty of a ruby”, Gooden says. “It understands its value. It doesn’t have to work to be beautiful. It just is, and it doesn’t have to do anything to convince anyone of that.”
As a social media celebrity and pastor, Gooden has a proven ability to guide and lead others. She finds joy in sharing her personal story and inspires others to find their own. Gooden hopes A Needle in a Haystack will help individuals to find their perfect mates and form real and lasting partnerships.
Identity struggles and failed relationships can be difficult topics, but Gooden faces these obstacles with candor and transparency. She knows how a bad relationship can hinder people from going forward and trying again, and hopes her work will help all readers find themselves, so they can experience the healing that self-actualization offers.
Gooden says, “Finding your needle should be fun, not something to fear. Just relax and be yourself. Call it ‘fellowshipping’ because when you set expectations, you can end up hiding the truth to conform to what you think someone else wants.”
About the Author
Jameliah Gooden and her husband, Fred, are pastors at Unity Church of Charlotte, in Charlotte, North Carolina. She is also the host of the world-renowned Facebook Live show, “Car Chronicles Movement,” with over 500,000 followers. You can find the Goodens together on Facebook for their “Coupling” series, where they discuss solutions for maintaining healthy relationships. Jameliah’s bestselling self-help book, The Death of the Angry Black Woman, addresses the stereotypes Black women face and uncovers the seeds that lead many to live anger-filled lives.
